How Fitness helped my 2017 Depression

I’ve started a fat loss phase in the midst of the 2017 chaos. I say chaos because that’s just how my life has felt for the past 6-8 months. For the first few months of 2017, I felt as though I’ve been living someone else’s life. living in their home, in their city, going to their job and most of all.. living in their body. I would wake up unsure of what to do with the day because my job was now to promote my business (because that’s a very descriptive and detailed job?). Thinking of things to do would consume and overwhelm me. My duty now instead of focusing on a bikini prep, was to focus on my business. I would make lists of things to do and while doing them, become so overwhelmed with stress that I would eat. I’m an emotional eater, so when I’m anxious I eat or drink in excess. It’s a hard habit to break which is why bodybuilding is a great mix of dedication and a reason not to let yourself binge eat while stressed! Months went by and while I was in fact building a new life, and a business.. I was losing myself along the way. Losing my passion for fitness, discipline and purpose. Working from home was not at all what I thought it would be. I missed seeing faces and seeing the smile. Having candid conversations, being present and in the moment.

I soon became depressed over my lifestyle and how each day seemed to just run in with the next. Working on my computer for hours just was not at all my idea of a productive life. While I enjoy making programs for people and helping them with their fitness goals,  I needed more than that. One day Mike came home and asked how my day was and I responded with tears. He asked what was the matter and I responded with “I don’t think I like this..” Meaning my current routine. Enter Kelowna golf and country club ❤️

After my mom passed my family became very involved in golf. It was something my dad thought we could do as a family. As an active/athletic family, golf seemed like a great way to do that. My brothers and I got into golf early on in life. I was 12, Brett was 7 and Derek was 16 at the time.  We came to Kelowna to visit a relative and golfed at a few of the local courses. While Kelowna has some amazing courses, the round that stuck out most in my memory was this gorgeous, amazing, prestigious course that had a massive cliff on the 6th hole. I’ll never forget how I felt that day golfing with my brothers, my dad and my uncle. It was a perfect summer evening and we were all enjoying each other’s company and laughing about how many marmots were on the 6th hole sunbathing. My uncle who has since passed was so excited to be able to take us there and it definitely lived up to his hype.

When I was feeling low here in March of 2017, I researched golf courses and the one that came up closest to home was a 5 min drive. I applied for an interview and when I showed up, there was that damn cliff. I thought, could this be the course with my fond memories of my family? It was. I was so excited to land the job there in the back shop to get out of the house, be around people and of course get some golf games in! One of my goals was to take my mind off bikini prep (or lack there of) and focus on other activities, golf being one of them. A month at the course went by and I was into May now. Even with my new gig, I was still feeling extra down in the dumps. I couldn’t stand roaming the gym with little purpose. My diet was very inconsistent and I was gaining weight steadily. The more I tried to focus on other things, the more I missed bikini prep and structure. One day I had just had enough and decided that I was going to start a fat loss phase and light a fire again! The fact of the matter is, hard work and vigorous activity brings me joy. It releases stress, boosts endorphins and makes me happy.  I crave structure and guidance from others.

This time around with my fat loss journey, I’m no longer rushing the end result because I don’t have a stage to step onto in 16 weeks time. I’m merely tracking what I eat, keeping cardio moderate and just making adjustments where necessary with the help of a coach. Patience hasn’t always been my friend. With self growth, life challenges, work, family or relationships. But being kind and patient with myself can only bring positivity ❤️

 

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